My whole life, I've never liked to stick out. In Jamaica, the color of my skin left me no choice. Everywhere I went I stood out--from the clinic to the community, walking to the store or driving the car--there was no escaping looks, stares, or turning heads. Blending in was but one of the many things I looked forward to in coming home to the States for the holidays. God had other plans. Turns out a pair of crutches and a splinted foot will earn you just as many comments, questions, and stares. Progressing from crutches to a walking boot, and today, a limping ankle brace and you still get outright stares and comments 11 weeks later.
My heart has recently been challenged to wonder if these people around me see just a girl with white skin who hurt her foot, or do they see Christ alive in me too? What's more is this question that was posed the other week: "If GOD truly lives in you, shouldn't you expect to be different from everyone else?"
My skin, the crutches, the boot, now a limp. In all of this, the focus has been brought back to me. Me, me, me. When I know that it should be on Him. Verbally, I'm extremely comfortable talking about where I work, my injury, surgery, rehabilitation, etc. I'm not as ready, after being asked who I work for or how I'm making it through, to put Jesus in the mix. . . even though I know, personally, and have even been reassured time and again, just how completely God is in all of this. The fear of an awkward conversation, judgment, or even an outright attack often have me hold my tongue. It saddens my heart, but it's the truth; I let that fear drive my actions. And how silly to hold my tongue, especially to complete strangers who I may never see again! How silly to grieve the Holy Spirit and not speak His name, of His goodness and love in this journey!
1 John 3:18 reads "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." It's not just my speech that should share Christ. No, more importantly, the way that I live, my actions, should speak God to those around me.
We are made new in Christ, when we ask Jesus into our hearts to save us. His Spirit who dwells in us, lives inside of you and me every day, continues to transform our hearts and our lives bringing into them true peace and hope. I don't want to face life's issues and circumstances in exactly the same way as someone without the Spirit of God. I don't want to just “barely hang on” to each day just to make it through. I want to be transformed. And in that transformation, even in the journey of it, let His love shine out in how I go about my day
This is one of many things I've been convicted of this week . . . even though it's nothing truly new, it's finally hitting home. God's given me such a unique story to tell in just the last year alone. While I may be limited currently in how I have been serving, it shouldn't stop me from sharing His love and in living it out. God has, without a doubt, been my rock and my shelter through this past year, no matter how close to the pit I've felt. I find such peace in knowing that even though I don't understand a wit of what's going on or going to happen, He's got the rest of my life in His hands and His Spirit inside of me is walking me through each and every day. Whatever bold steps or bold words are required to share of His love and faithfulness, I know, that no judgment or awkwardness even comes close to the sense of fulfillment and joy in following the Spirit's leading.
It is truly when I live a life characterized by walking with the Spirit, transformed, that people will begin to look not at me but to our Father in heaven and give Him the praise.
"I don't want my life to be explainable without the Holy Spirit. I want people to look at my life and know that I couldn't be doing this by my own power. I want to live in such a way that I am desperate for Him to come through. That if He doesn't come through, I am screwed. (I probably shouldn't write that word here, but it's how I truly feel about this.)"
Francis Chan
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